Old School Parents… raising New School Children
When you look at the state of today’s family structure in our country – it appears we are in trouble. It looks as if we are building our houses on sinking sand.
We treat teenagers like they are some kind of alien. Teenagers are reflection of their parents and their society – they also give us a great insight into how they were raised. Why are so many young people so angry? Why is it that they think respect is something that should be given to them regardless of how they conduct themselves? Why are the terms “Self Respect” and “Self love” foreign to them? Ok, I know this doesn’t apply to teenagers.
For over 10 years, I have worked with children as young as 2 years to adults in their 80’s. The more I work with young people, particularly the teenagers, the more I realize that individually and collectively, we have to commit to raising our awareness of who we are, why we are here, and ask, what do we have to contribute to this world of ours. We must begin to ask ourselves; what kind of legacy are we leaving behind for our young people?
What is the foundation we are laying for our children? Are we confident that we are preparing a future that reflects understanding, compassion, happiness, financial stability, harmonious relationships and communities that are life affirming for our children? Or are we contributing to creating more hell for them to deal with on a daily basis?
“How did we get here?” is a question I often hear parents ask when dealing with their children. I am sure there are many answers to this profound question; however, I am convinced that one of the answers, if not the only one, is that we have a complete disregard for who we are - and our connection to our Source – the God within.
When we are disconnected from our Source, it often leaves us feeling hopeless and silently wondering to ourselves “what is the point?” In this state of mind, we feel powerless and just seem to make do with whatever life throws at us, instead of making conscious choices in the direction of our goals and aspirations. At these times we begin to look for any distraction that will release us temporarily from our pain - a “quick fix;” those addictive behaviors that still leave us feeling inadequate as a man, woman, father, mother, husband, wife etc; and this feeling then takes us down that infamous road of “not good enough”. Do you get the picture? As parents or guardian, when you are honest enough to yourself and accept “this is my story”; you can begin to live your life differently, by making choices based on what is important to you.
The truth is we can’t give what we don’t have. All these feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness, not good enough, are not rooted in self-love. If you don’t know how to love yourself, you sure can’t teach or show by example what self-love is to your children.
We want to be an example for our children, for them to recognize who they are and feel connected to their Source - the God within. We want our children to grow up being sure of their identity, become responsible adults and live a fulfilling life - not developing habits, attitudes and beliefs that will keep them from their spiritual connection and achieving their fullest potentials.
Raising our children from a place of hopelessness and lack of self-awareness will only perpetuate more of the same. In this information age, we need to take advantage of our shared knowledge and experience; there are some old school ideas that are still invaluable to our progression.
There are some ideas though, that we need to let go of, particularly the idea that I call “Positive negativity idea”, ideas which sound positive and supportive, however, it more speaks to discouragement of goals and lack of faith in a child’s God given ability.
For instance:
Young Person: “Dad, I want to go to an art school, I really enjoy art”
Parent: “That’s good, but you need to have something to fall back on if it doesn’t work out…”
This young person has a passion for art – (or any unconventional career), when the parent emphasized the idea of needing something else to fall back on because it might not work out; this deflates enthusiasm and discourages the young person’s dreams.
Although the logic behind the statement is in line with what we have been taught by past generation, but, the parent is “negatively” programming the young person’s mind with the thought that his dream may never happen and that he should place his attention elsewhere, which leads to a lack of faith in his abilities and his own potential to decide what is good for him in life. He begins to look to others to help him make decisions, important to his future and well-being.
We can help our young people in believing in themselves by encouraging them to dream big, take risks and explore various interest in life, especially at a time when they are expressing what is important to them.
If we are to lay a spiritually sound foundation for the next generation – a future where young people are not afraid to set goals, not afraid to make positive differences, not afraid to love, express compassion, speak up for what is important to them, a future where they are more accountable for their mistakes and even more important, a future where they are not afraid to express their God given potential, then we adults need to be an example of these qualities, not so much in what we are telling the young people, but more in our actions, in who we are being.
We must develop the courage to live a purposeful life.
To my brothers, please be proactive. Too many of us think we are not equipped enough to be a role model or a mentor to young boys. If you care enough to ask, “What’s wrong with the youth of today?” the fact that you are asking means you care enough to make a difference. You have what it takes to influence a young boy to focus more on what is right about himself, but if you are not quite confident, you can get in contact with your local mentoring project. Step up! Get involve and reinforce the power of being accountable and goal setting. Stress the importance of giving their fullest potential in life and be ever so certain to demonstrate these same qualities in your everyday life. Integrity is a powerful value to live by – say what you mean and mean what you say; integrity builds trust.
Most people of African descent between the ages of 30 – 40 years, (specifically in UK) had parents that came over from countries where they were never afraid to say hello to someone on the street; there was always a sense of belonging and togetherness in those times. We have a unique opportunity to bring back some of the old school ideas to pave the way for a more united community by acknowledging our young people, not just complimenting the outfit they have on, but also their minds, their unique talent, personality and behavior as well.
Someone once told me, children spell love as “T.I.M.E.” so, let’s break away from the mindset that says “I just don’t have the time”
We need not be afraid to go into their school and have a chat with the teachers, to become a governor – to have a better influence on what you want to see in your child’s school. Let your children know how much you love them everyday, through your words and actions – most young people have mobile phones today, text them a love note. Make time to have leisure activities and break out of the mindset that says some activities are only for a certain groups of people.
“Old school parents” need to understand that “new school children” have something to teach, have something to say and what they have to say is invaluable and important. Allow them to teach you what they know about their life, culture and community as they see it. Young people are full of new, great and exciting ideas, encourage them in finding solutions to problems they experience in their daily life. Give them a chance to recognize their worth by allowing them to contribute their views respectfully when there is a breakdown in relationships
Let us always remember that our children are watching our every action. By our actions we have taught them that happiness and success is about making money, lots of money; hence the Bling Bling culture. However, if we show the young people through our actions that happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment are a by product of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love, then we can rest assured that we are investing in our future and theirs; and they will have the knowledge, wisdom and courage to continue the legacy of powerful people who are spiritually grounded.
